That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize