lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
