Jerry, you need to find god
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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