3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
