eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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