On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
