I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
