i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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