In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize