i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
