just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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