why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
