dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
