The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
