I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
