I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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