I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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