I wish I only lived at night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
