Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
