No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
