we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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