barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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