I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
