so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
