Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
