I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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