Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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