We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
