so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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