his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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