He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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