you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
