Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
