I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
