Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
