I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
