I got chris browned last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
