swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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