My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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