Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
