FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize