So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
