And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
