im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
