Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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