She is in my trunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
