i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
