That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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