thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
