Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
