im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
