I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
