Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize