we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
