New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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