that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
