Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my poor anus
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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