There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
