What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
