I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
