Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
