She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
