I just cut my nipple shaving
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
