just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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