Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
