I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
