So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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