Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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