oh god the rape fog is back!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
