On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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