M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
