like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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