My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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