I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize